dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
