i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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