And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
