When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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