a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
