But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
