I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
