Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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