I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
