Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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