i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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