NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
