the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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