I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
