went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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