if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
