Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My feet surprised me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
