If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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