Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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