I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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