You just made me feel so damn special
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I forget how to act sober
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
