If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
