Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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