mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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