I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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