You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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