just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
