3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
