true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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