It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
