There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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