he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
