She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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