your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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