my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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