Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
