i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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