yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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