Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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