he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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