Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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