Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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