You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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