I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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