I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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