pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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