Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
