Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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