If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
