Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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