i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
not ubering you a puppy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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