Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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