There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
