so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
