I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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