Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
