Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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