Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
