My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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