Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize