i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
