It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
