I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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