Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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