It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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