Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
