Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
