ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
