I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
