Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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