So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
