Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't deserve a penis
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
