i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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