So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.