You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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