$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.