haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
