My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pants are for mortals