hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
my poor anus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early