Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

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  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (29294) Bad night (1234)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

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  (860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i
  Replies (42) Good night (2716) Bad night (1069)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous

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  (267): Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous http://tfl.nu/kdtt
  Replies (11) Good night (966) Bad night (3913)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life

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  (856): We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life http://tfl.nu/wuon
  Replies (12) Good night (3759) Bad night (597)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??

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  (905): I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet?? http://tfl.nu/qgms
  Replies (145) Good night (2428) Bad night (8591)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.

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  (513): I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle. http://tfl.nu/7tfd
  Replies (15) Good night (4054) Bad night (879)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.

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  (224): She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg. http://tfl.nu/1lfx
  Replies (11) Good night (3523) Bad night (1133)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.

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  (803): Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization. http://tfl.nu/ap11
  Replies (13) Good night (940) Bad night (3083)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

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  (580): I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing. http://tfl.nu/utec
  Replies (26) Good night (2016) Bad night (806)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.

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  (202): Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice. http://tfl.nu/it26
  Replies (9) Good night (514) Bad night (2578)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.

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  (434): In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult. http://tfl.nu/0of3
  Replies (4) Good night (474) Bad night (1120)
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  (310): View more from California

  I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...

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  (310): I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now... http://tfl.nu/9bsa
  Replies (2) Good night (693) Bad night (336)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"

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  (+44): Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration" http://tfl.nu/5fdi
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (267)
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  (760): View more from California

  I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.

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  (760): I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL. http://tfl.nu/3gpf
  Replies (3) Good night (397) Bad night (306)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.

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  (804): I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of. http://tfl.nu/8q9f
  Replies (2) Good night (374) Bad night (553)

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