He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?