I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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