everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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