Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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